These two experiences had a profound impact on my life because they forced me to think. They made me question my beliefs, why the God I loved and was serving would allow these things to happen. They challenged me to search for answers that I didn't know how to find. They taught me that sometimes life doesn't give us answers, but we have to go out and find them.
Coming to Italy for grad school has been an amazing experience so far. But it's also given me another question that I don't have an answer to: "What do you want to do after SAIS?" Because just standing there speechless would expose me for the unqualified grad student that I am, I usually manage to spit out something that in my head sounds like "I want to be a business development consultant focusing on Eastern Europe" but really sounds like "uh...I want to do stuff to help solve...problems."
I came here knowing exactly what I want to do. I want to help the Romanians that I love, and countless others like them, to have a better life. Well, it turns out that there's no job with that description.
While trying to find the answer to this seemingly impossible question I've figured out some other things along the way:
- There are so many careers out there that I don't know about...yet.
- I really really love pumpkin and apple cinnamon gelato.
- People make life worth living.
- It's ok to be sad, confused, and mad sometimes. You don't have to pretend like everything's ok all the time.
- Singing in the car to Queen and Beyonce with 8 other people while driving through Tuscany will make you instantly happy.
- Sometimes the best part of my day is having one of those "ahah" moments in class. And other times it's riding my bike through fall leaves while
listeningsinging to music.
- I need nature in my life.
- My family and friends will always be there to catch me when I fall.
|Lake Bled, Slovenia|
I still don't know how to respond when I'm put in any of these three situations. But I've learned some awesome things along the way. Probably most importantly, I've learned that although I don't understand why God allows bad and confusing things to happen, I know that He's never left me alone while going through them. Life is filled with things we don't know. Some of them we'll find the answers to, and some of them we won't. And that's okay, because we'll find answers to other things along the way.